One of my brilliant friends, who pays a lot of attention to politics and who - in her own words - will one day win the Nobel Prize for Awesomeness (I agree) posted this clip on Facebook. It's a short film showing "... an abridged history of American-centric war, from World War II to present day, told through the foods of the countries in conflict. Watch as traditional comestibles slug it out for world domination in this chronologically re-enacted smorgasbord of aggression".
I LOVED! Not to say I understood it completely. Oh sure, I got the hiroshima, cold war, and WTC references, but I was mushy on quite a few other details. Then I went to the cheat sheet of foodstuffs to determine who was who and it made even more sense... If you are so politically inclined, enjoy the video below.
Saturday, November 29, 2008
Friday, November 28, 2008
Life as Turkey
Courtesy of a hilarious card I got from my father. I realize Canadian Thanksgiving passed a while ago, but perhaps our neighbours to the south can enjoy this little poem...
Life As A Turkey
When I was a young turkey, new to the coop,
My big brother Mike took me out on the stoop;
Then he sat me down, and he spoke real slow,
And he told me there was something that I had to know.
His look and his tone I will always remember,
When he told me of the horrors of ... Black November;
"Come about August, now listen to me,
Each day you'll get six meals instead of just three."
"And soon you'll be thick, where once you were thin,
And you'll grow a big rubbery thing under your chin;
And then one morning, when you're warm in your bed,
In will burst the farmer's wife, and hack off your head."
"Then she'll pluck out your feathers so you're bald 'n pink,
And scoop out all your insides and leave ya lyin' in the sink;
And then comes the worst part," he said not bluffing,
She'll spread your cheeks and pack your rear with stuffing!"
Well, the rest of his words were too grim to repeat,
I sat on the stoop like a winged piece of meat;
I decided on the spot that to avoid being cooked,
I'd have to lay low and remain overlooked.
I began a new diet of nuts and granola,
High-roughage salads, juice and diet cola;
And as they ate pastries, chocolates and crepes,
I stayed in my room doing exercise tapes.
I maintained my weight of two pounds and a half,
And tried not to notice when the bigger birds laughed;
But 'twas I who was laughing, under my breath,
As they chomped and they chewed, ever closer to death.
And sure enough when Black November rolled around,
I was the last turkey left in the entire compound!
So now I'm a pet in the farmer's wife's lap,
I haven't a worry, so I eat and I nap.
She held me today, while sewing and humming,
And smiled at me and said"Christmas is coming ..."
Life As A Turkey
When I was a young turkey, new to the coop,
My big brother Mike took me out on the stoop;
Then he sat me down, and he spoke real slow,
And he told me there was something that I had to know.
His look and his tone I will always remember,
When he told me of the horrors of ... Black November;
"Come about August, now listen to me,
Each day you'll get six meals instead of just three."
"And soon you'll be thick, where once you were thin,
And you'll grow a big rubbery thing under your chin;
And then one morning, when you're warm in your bed,
In will burst the farmer's wife, and hack off your head."
"Then she'll pluck out your feathers so you're bald 'n pink,
And scoop out all your insides and leave ya lyin' in the sink;
And then comes the worst part," he said not bluffing,
She'll spread your cheeks and pack your rear with stuffing!"
Well, the rest of his words were too grim to repeat,
I sat on the stoop like a winged piece of meat;
I decided on the spot that to avoid being cooked,
I'd have to lay low and remain overlooked.
I began a new diet of nuts and granola,
High-roughage salads, juice and diet cola;
And as they ate pastries, chocolates and crepes,
I stayed in my room doing exercise tapes.
I maintained my weight of two pounds and a half,
And tried not to notice when the bigger birds laughed;
But 'twas I who was laughing, under my breath,
As they chomped and they chewed, ever closer to death.
And sure enough when Black November rolled around,
I was the last turkey left in the entire compound!
So now I'm a pet in the farmer's wife's lap,
I haven't a worry, so I eat and I nap.
She held me today, while sewing and humming,
And smiled at me and said"Christmas is coming ..."
Saturday, November 22, 2008
Retirement Ceremony deep breath
It's sports weekend in Montreal. Tonight, the famous and infamous Patrick Roy will have his jersey retired by the Montreal Canadiens. Tomorrow, the Grey Cup, the Canadian much much much poorer cousin to the NFL's super bowl, is being played here between the Montreal Alouettes and the Calgary Stampeders... needless to say, my attention will be on tonight's hockey game.
The habs have been playing awful hockey lately, (scraping by with some wins, but not really deserving them) and they tend to play even worse on ceremony nights, so deep breath here... and in the words of the always hilarious Mike Boone:
The only thing that might mar a magical evening at the Bell Centre is the possibility, given the volatile nature of the honouree, that Patrick Roy Night could become the first jersey number retirement to degenerate into a lectern-clearing brawl. But we're probably safe. No one wearing a tuxedo has thrown a good punch since Frank Sinatra.
The habs have been playing awful hockey lately, (scraping by with some wins, but not really deserving them) and they tend to play even worse on ceremony nights, so deep breath here... and in the words of the always hilarious Mike Boone:
The only thing that might mar a magical evening at the Bell Centre is the possibility, given the volatile nature of the honouree, that Patrick Roy Night could become the first jersey number retirement to degenerate into a lectern-clearing brawl. But we're probably safe. No one wearing a tuxedo has thrown a good punch since Frank Sinatra.
Friday, November 21, 2008
Latte-Spying
So remember waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay back when, I had a post where I explained how my food sensitivities turned me into a coffee-snob, and how I went from ordering the mocha to the soy-sugar-free-mocha, no whip (oh yeah, and please make sure that's plain soy, not vanilla flavoured)?
Well, this lovely blog post cracked me up because I'm not always like this, but once in a while, I do hover to make sure that my drink is being prepared the way I asked. I know it can get annoying for the barristas, but at the same time, I figure it's only fair: the obvious reason is my long list of food-ingredient no-no's, but there are some less obvious reasons too. I used to get lattes all the time, and I don't anymore, so I really want to make sure they're exactly how I asked for them. It's like dessert now, and at most coffee shops, you're paying at least $4 for that drink, so....... Anyway, take a look at the post. Can you see yourself in this woman? Are you a - gasp - latte spy too?
Well, this lovely blog post cracked me up because I'm not always like this, but once in a while, I do hover to make sure that my drink is being prepared the way I asked. I know it can get annoying for the barristas, but at the same time, I figure it's only fair: the obvious reason is my long list of food-ingredient no-no's, but there are some less obvious reasons too. I used to get lattes all the time, and I don't anymore, so I really want to make sure they're exactly how I asked for them. It's like dessert now, and at most coffee shops, you're paying at least $4 for that drink, so....... Anyway, take a look at the post. Can you see yourself in this woman? Are you a - gasp - latte spy too?
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Complete Sentences are Bad! Bad! Bad!
Too funny!
I'm sure you've noticed that I haven't had much of my own inspiration to write about here lately. Not that things are bad or boring, just that I haven't felt that articulate. Having said that, when I find something someone else wrote amusing, I like to share. Here's a good spoof article about - what else - Barack Obama, and his use of complete sentences...
I'm sure you've noticed that I haven't had much of my own inspiration to write about here lately. Not that things are bad or boring, just that I haven't felt that articulate. Having said that, when I find something someone else wrote amusing, I like to share. Here's a good spoof article about - what else - Barack Obama, and his use of complete sentences...
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Why the Economic Downturn is Good for You
Check out this great article at MacLeans about the joys of frugality, and how the recession could actually make you healthier, happier, and more environmentally friendly. Seriously, it's not just a way to make ourselves feel better about the whole thing. They make some very relevant points...
Thursday, November 06, 2008
IF by Rudyard Kipling
If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too:
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;
If you can dream -- and not make dreams your master;
If you can think -- and not make thoughts your aim,
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same:
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build'em up with worn-out tools;
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings,
And never breathe a word about your loss:
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings -- nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much:
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And which is more; you'll be a Man, my son!
Wednesday, November 05, 2008
President-Elect Obama
Pride. Happiness. Relief. That's what I'm feeling right now.
Everything that can and needs to be said about this election and this moment in history is better said by people more knowledgeable and articulate than myself, but I wanted to share this one beautiful phrase I saw on a message board last night:
Congratulations to everyone for common sense and hope prevailing, and congratulations to all African people and people of African descent for what this personally means to you.
Everything that can and needs to be said about this election and this moment in history is better said by people more knowledgeable and articulate than myself, but I wanted to share this one beautiful phrase I saw on a message board last night:
Rosa sat so Martin could walk. Martin walked so Obama could run. Obama is running so our children can fly.
Congratulations to everyone for common sense and hope prevailing, and congratulations to all African people and people of African descent for what this personally means to you.
Tuesday, November 04, 2008
The Hope is....
The hope - and I'm being corny, using that word, but given that today we may end the day with a chance that the US has turned a corner on ugliness and greed in its worst form, I'm being corny - is that tonight, we will be laughing at how not close this election was, and how worried we've been for the last few hours/days/weeks/months...
The hope is that we'll watch our neighbours choose the way the rest of the world would have chosen, instead of inexplicable electing a 72 year old who says he'll be different than the way he's been 90% of the time, and expect everything to change.
Deep breath. Try to function normally today... We won't know anything until tonight so there's no point stressing about it while we wait.
And enjoy one last (I really really really really hope!) joke about McCain and co... and how they'd do a great job running their country, and by extension - and this is why this matters so much - driving the direction of the world:
7 Reasons McCain Will Win in a Landslide Today
by Seth Grahame-Smith
Back in July, I wrote a piece predicting a huge Obama win. I even offered a recipe for an Election Night drink called the "McCrush" (vodka and Orange Crush over crushed ice, served in a hollow flip-flop with a sprig of pandering). But that was an electoral eternity ago -- before the phenomenal rise of Sarah Palin, the phenomenal collapse of Wall Street, and the phenomenal scalp of Joe the Plumber. Call it my mea culpa, or my heaping serving of crow, but I feel compelled to state the obvious. John McCain will "McCrush" Barack Obama today. Here are seven reasons why:
1. The Power of Palin -- On paper, she sounds like a superhero: Attractive. Stylish. Handy with an assault rifle. Impervious to witchcraft. But when it comes to the power of Palin, that's only the tip of the rapidly-melting iceberg. She's given a voice to America's willfully-ignorant secessionist religious fanatics, and energized women who haven't felt this eager to vote since Studdard vs. Aiken. She's a transformational leader, as evidenced by her unique ability to transform many longtime Republicans into Obama supporters.
2. America's Hunger for Change -- 90% of Americans think our country is on the wrong track. We want a leader who'll roll up his sleeves and start pulling survivors from the smoldering rubble of the Bush presidency. Clearly, that leader is John McCain. Who better to set a new course than a man who's been in the Senate for 26 years? Who better to lead us into the future than a seventy-two-year-old who doesn't use email? Who better to represent "change" than a man who changes campaign themes every few days?
3. The Economic Crisis -- Isn't it time for a president who knows how to spend money responsibly? Whether on nine houses, thirteen cars, or $150,000 in designer clothes? Isn't it time for a leader who understands that building a strong economy starts at the top and works its way down -- just like building a strong skyscraper starts with the top floor and ends with the foundation? A leader who's seen* workers losing their jobs and families struggling to get by on food stamps?
* (from the windows of his wife's private jet)
4. A Unified Republican Party -- To outsiders, it might look like traditional "Ronald Reagan" Conservatives and traditional "Ted Haggard" Christianists are slugging it out to see who gets to steer the SS Irrelevant. It might even look like John McCain and Sarah Palin are slugging it out to see who gets to steer their campaign off a cliff. Well consider yourselves duped, Liberals. It's all part of the GOP's elaborate plan to let you rule for the next few decades while we groom Bristol for 2044.
5. Joe the Plumber -- John McCain recently looked out into a crowd of supporters and proclaimed, "You're all Joe the Plumber." What he meant was, if we all look deep into our hearts, we'll see someone who seeks to cash in on his fleeting fame with record deals, corporate sponsorships, and paid personal appearances while pretending to be the quintessential "little guy." In other words, we'll see the perennial balancing act between old-fashioned American values and old-fashioned American greed. It was a powerful insight into our national identity. Or maybe McCain was just pandering out of embarrassment because Joe didn't show up to his rally. But still...
6. McCain's Experience -- Criticize McCain all you want for running a "disgraceful campaign." For "smearing" Obama as a Marxist Muslim elitist terrorist-lover who wants to enslave the white race and send our children to homosexuality conversion camps. But the reality is, John McCain is merely using his wealth of political experience -- by employing the same race-based fear-mongering that defeated him in the 2000 primaries. Experience counts, people.
7. Country First -- Loving America means loving every single thing about America. It means never, ever criticizing it. It means shouting down even the slightest whispers of dissent with wild-eyed chants of "U-S-A! U-S-A!" It means doing what's right for the country, not what's right for your campaign. People in the Pro-American parts of America understand this. Can you imagine what would've happened if our forefathers had been as unpatriotic as Obama's supporters? As elitist and arrogant? Can you imagine if they'd had the audacity to question -- or even rebel against their own country?
What a nightmare that would've been....
Seth Grahame-Smith begs your pardon.
The hope is that we'll watch our neighbours choose the way the rest of the world would have chosen, instead of inexplicable electing a 72 year old who says he'll be different than the way he's been 90% of the time, and expect everything to change.
Deep breath. Try to function normally today... We won't know anything until tonight so there's no point stressing about it while we wait.
And enjoy one last (I really really really really hope!) joke about McCain and co... and how they'd do a great job running their country, and by extension - and this is why this matters so much - driving the direction of the world:
7 Reasons McCain Will Win in a Landslide Today
by Seth Grahame-Smith
Back in July, I wrote a piece predicting a huge Obama win. I even offered a recipe for an Election Night drink called the "McCrush" (vodka and Orange Crush over crushed ice, served in a hollow flip-flop with a sprig of pandering). But that was an electoral eternity ago -- before the phenomenal rise of Sarah Palin, the phenomenal collapse of Wall Street, and the phenomenal scalp of Joe the Plumber. Call it my mea culpa, or my heaping serving of crow, but I feel compelled to state the obvious. John McCain will "McCrush" Barack Obama today. Here are seven reasons why:
1. The Power of Palin -- On paper, she sounds like a superhero: Attractive. Stylish. Handy with an assault rifle. Impervious to witchcraft. But when it comes to the power of Palin, that's only the tip of the rapidly-melting iceberg. She's given a voice to America's willfully-ignorant secessionist religious fanatics, and energized women who haven't felt this eager to vote since Studdard vs. Aiken. She's a transformational leader, as evidenced by her unique ability to transform many longtime Republicans into Obama supporters.
2. America's Hunger for Change -- 90% of Americans think our country is on the wrong track. We want a leader who'll roll up his sleeves and start pulling survivors from the smoldering rubble of the Bush presidency. Clearly, that leader is John McCain. Who better to set a new course than a man who's been in the Senate for 26 years? Who better to lead us into the future than a seventy-two-year-old who doesn't use email? Who better to represent "change" than a man who changes campaign themes every few days?
3. The Economic Crisis -- Isn't it time for a president who knows how to spend money responsibly? Whether on nine houses, thirteen cars, or $150,000 in designer clothes? Isn't it time for a leader who understands that building a strong economy starts at the top and works its way down -- just like building a strong skyscraper starts with the top floor and ends with the foundation? A leader who's seen* workers losing their jobs and families struggling to get by on food stamps?
* (from the windows of his wife's private jet)
4. A Unified Republican Party -- To outsiders, it might look like traditional "Ronald Reagan" Conservatives and traditional "Ted Haggard" Christianists are slugging it out to see who gets to steer the SS Irrelevant. It might even look like John McCain and Sarah Palin are slugging it out to see who gets to steer their campaign off a cliff. Well consider yourselves duped, Liberals. It's all part of the GOP's elaborate plan to let you rule for the next few decades while we groom Bristol for 2044.
5. Joe the Plumber -- John McCain recently looked out into a crowd of supporters and proclaimed, "You're all Joe the Plumber." What he meant was, if we all look deep into our hearts, we'll see someone who seeks to cash in on his fleeting fame with record deals, corporate sponsorships, and paid personal appearances while pretending to be the quintessential "little guy." In other words, we'll see the perennial balancing act between old-fashioned American values and old-fashioned American greed. It was a powerful insight into our national identity. Or maybe McCain was just pandering out of embarrassment because Joe didn't show up to his rally. But still...
6. McCain's Experience -- Criticize McCain all you want for running a "disgraceful campaign." For "smearing" Obama as a Marxist Muslim elitist terrorist-lover who wants to enslave the white race and send our children to homosexuality conversion camps. But the reality is, John McCain is merely using his wealth of political experience -- by employing the same race-based fear-mongering that defeated him in the 2000 primaries. Experience counts, people.
7. Country First -- Loving America means loving every single thing about America. It means never, ever criticizing it. It means shouting down even the slightest whispers of dissent with wild-eyed chants of "U-S-A! U-S-A!" It means doing what's right for the country, not what's right for your campaign. People in the Pro-American parts of America understand this. Can you imagine what would've happened if our forefathers had been as unpatriotic as Obama's supporters? As elitist and arrogant? Can you imagine if they'd had the audacity to question -- or even rebel against their own country?
What a nightmare that would've been....
Seth Grahame-Smith begs your pardon.
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