Sunday, May 03, 2009

Well, at least now I have a new record to break for next time...

I broke. At 2 a.m. this morning, despite trying to satisfy my sweet-tooth craving with raisins and walnuts and repeatedly telling myself to just go to sleep Noha. Nothing good can come of this, I opened the freezer and reached for - gasp! - the cookies and cream ice cream. It wasn't a rash decision. My mind knew full well what my hands were doing. I even stopped to calculate how far I'd gotten, to decide if the number of consecutive allergy-free days was respectable enough to break now, or if I should hold off a little longer. 49 days. Respectable. I had the cookies and cream ice cream. I had some chocolate fudge brownie ice cream too, for good measure. And then, only then, did I finally go to sleep.
I won't lie. They tasted positively divine, but if I was expecting harps playing in the background, or the sensation of being carried off to some dessert-flavoured, chocolate-based, culinary heaven, it didn't happen. Things you can't have always seem soooooooooooooooooo much better than what you can.
I woke up with a stomach-ache this morning, but I suppose I earned it. I've also decided that today is a day off. A day to allow myself to indulge in whatever else so that tomorrow, when I start again, I'm not already craving things. I've basically decided that I'm failing today to succeed later. Twisted logic? Maybe. An excuse to stuff myself with anything and everything today? Also maybe. But a funny thing is happening so far: I've had a slice of cheesecake that was in the fridge, left over from a visit we had on Friday, and nothing else. I've been down to press cafe, and looked at the brownies and cupcakes, felt nothing, and ordered my usual coffee. I think I'll end up getting something else, something gooey and chewy and wheat-based, and chocolatey-sweet, before the day is over. But if I don't, it'll be okay because I know how to make the wheat-free, dairy-free, processed-sugar-free version from scratch now. And tomorrow I'll start over. And while last time, my goal was to go as long as I could, this time, I'll have a number in mind. I want to get to 50 days of allergy-free food. At least. 50 days and beyond. Far, far beyond.

3 comments:

citizen of the world said...

Everyone needs to let loose once in a while. And now, I hear that last bit of Dove raspberry and chocolate ice cream is calling me...

noha said...

hehhe... hope you enjoyed the ice cream cotw. I've been indulging all day in prep for going cold-turkey again tomorrow and I feel great about it. I think I feel little-to-no guilt because I KNOW this is a one day thing and that tomorrow, everything goes back to my healthy plan that's been working so well for me. Now, if you'll excuse ME, I think I hear that strawberry/banana/chocolate sauce covered waffle calling me ;)

xup said...

Why do you have these temptations in your fridge in the first place? Quitting food that disagrees with you has to be like quitting drugs or alcohol, only more difficult because you still have to eat. BUT, you can keep the stuff out of your home and you need to find a diversionary tactic when the craving overwhelms you. Calling a “sponsor” or substituting the food craving with another activity. For alcoholics they eat lots of sugar and/or caffiene when they start craving a drink. For you, if you can’t find a good food substitute, maybe run around the block or re-arrange your closets – something physically absorbing.