Monday, January 12, 2009

Lost Conversations

I wanted you
On the other end of the telephone
Through the words
I hadn’t been speaking
Barely been thinking
(it’s dangerous to think the thoughts you can’t say
Dangerous to go to the places in your mind
You won’t be able to open
And stand outside
And look and wait
What happens next?
You will try to break down the door
And go inside
You will try to force it
And there will be sirens
And there will be riot police
And there will be fines or worse
To pay)

I wanted you
At 7 p.m. on the bus
In my ear
Ideally in the seat beside me
In some other life
When you still rode buses
In some other life
Before the strollers and the car seats

And then my eyes were closing
My breathing slowing
And the dream already forgotten but at least carrying off
With it the aching
The longing

This started with a song
(or two or twenty)
That I have to have you hear
With your little angel’s fleece hoodie
In my closet
Discovered while cleaning
And calling 9-11
And triggering the sirens
In my mind


Anonymous said...

Noosie, that was so sweet for me to read. Which fleece hoodie did you see? What do you mean calling 9-11? I got confused by that part. I love your writing & I especially love it when for me - narcissistic I know ;)
Lots of love

noha said...

Well, I hate to explain the poetry, but we both know that I ALWAYS did that when I read you stuff, so here's the explanation:
calling 9-11 was just a reference to the earlier part of the poem where I say that if you go to the places in your mind you're not supposed to go to, there will be sirens, riot police, etc., aka, emotional breakdown... Basically,it's that if I let myself think about missing you, I got super sad...
And the fleece hoodie I found was little angel's blue plaid fleece hoodie. You must have accidentally left it at our place in Mtl when you came in May... and the songs, well, I'll get to those when we talk...